Who's Chris? Oh, you mean DICKHEAD!?

Prepare for big rant... My life isnt all "that", as you can imagine. Yes, being a mother is a wonderful thing, but heck, its kinda lonely too. Its far too difficult to get both kids ready every day and get out and about, so Im always stuck in the house. The weather is far too crappy to even go into the garden! so its just these walls and this computer screen, is all I see. If it wasnt for the messageboards I think I may have jumped off a roof by now. Geez its the only adult interaction I get! And although I cherish EVERY online friendship with all my being, its just not the same as IRL interaction and friends, is it? Anyway... Its a SATURDAY and Chris goes to work (even though he doesnt have to work on Saturdays! He's just crap at saying NO!) then I get a text from him asking if he can go out tonight. I just ignored it. Then he rang asking, and I said "Unfortunately it is not up to me, you are your own person", which obviously means "I'd rather you never"... kwim? So he comes home, jumps in the shower, and starts getting ready to go out. Apparently its ok though, because he wont be home late, only about 1am... erm... once it hits bedtime it doesnt MATTER what time you get in anyway! Its not like you ever do anything to help at nighttime! Anyway, since then he's told me he'll be home about 11pm.... its 11.15pm, and no Chris. So he's out tonight. Working AGAIN tomorrow. Goes away Monday til Thursday, then going out Friday.... the cycle continues.... Well... Ive been pretty low today regarding the first things I was talking about. Being stuck in this life and I have NO way out. Just me, and two screaming puking babies. All I do now is change diapers. Nothing else is important. So I have a bit of a tearful episode. I told him all of how I was feeling, and yet all he can do is swan off out with his friends every night. So his solution? "well you arrange to go out next friday night with your friends, and I'll look after the kids" ok... two problems with this... 1) he has a works do to attend. and 2) I have no friends. Honestly now, I dont. So I explain this and he says Im STUPID, of COURSE Ive got friends, and he lists all my pre-Joey friends. Theyre just acquaintences now. So apparently I should ring my "friends" and make an effort and have a gossip like I used to do.... yes, when I had things to gossip about... what am I meant to gossip to my 18 y/o acquaintences about? How many ounces of milk Joey took in his last feed? How long Ella has been napping? So he thought he'd try and prove his point further and picked up my phone "what are you doing?" "going through your list of friends"... so he went down my phonebook... chris... dad... jane... mum... sarah... tom. Thats him, my father, Ellas nan, my mother, Sarah (of the Nathaniel's) which is an incorrect number anyway, and my brother. Yes... lots of friends there. So I burst into another wave of tears and ask if thats proved MY point? and he just doesnt understand why Im so upset. Apparently I should be having a whale of a time. Just turned 19 (which went by unnoticed. not even a card from him or the kids!), two young and demanding children, no friends, and four walls to sit and stare at all day. Yes, my life is a barrel of laughs. Dont get me wrong. I LOVE my children more than life itself, and I wouldnt turn back time for anything. Theyre so so special. But my life is still dull, especially compared to what it was. Before I was with Chris I had TONS of friends. I always had someone to call. Always had some talking to me on msn. Always had new emails, and text messages. Always had someone to go shopping with when I fancied it. Always had someone to go for a drink with when I was Ella-free. Its all vanished. I seem to have gone from one extreme to another, and my personality and gone with it. Im not the happy, outgoing, humorous induvidual I was back then. im so intraverted now. I never imagined in a million years that would be a word to describe me. But its true. Ok... so after all of this... Chris went out. After over an hour of sobbing and telling him my troubles... he still went out. what a dickhead. He just doesnt THINK. Sometimes I wish I was a single mum again. Its like having another kid to worry about with him. I would do everything on my terms back then, and I wouldnt have anyone else to worry about or anyone else to dote on, even. Things were so much simpler. But they are just silly thoughts, because I do love him, and would never give him up, but there are just times he needs a whack round the head with a frying pan. But I guess thats men for you! Well, I think Im done for now. Its now 11.30pm and he's still not back. I guess I'll just go to bed.