Oh if only I could explain

How much I love my little guy. He is just... the best! He's so gorgeous. I could kiss his cheeks all day every day. And hes so well behaved which just adds to my wonder. I cant believe that when I was pregnant I was worried (ok, not worried... adament!) that I wouldnt love this little one. How could I not love him? And Im so happy that dont have to give him up for another 18 years :) Ive been on such a high the past 3 weeks just because Im so in love! And it was instant! Completely different to with Ella. You know what I think it is? With Ella they asked if I wanted her lifted straight onto me, or whether I'd like them to wrap her up first. I told them to clean her and wrap her up. So it must have been like 5 mins before I even got to hold her. Then they took her off me, and gave her to my mum for her first feed. WTH? i wasnt asked about that. Although Im not complaining as then she quit breathing because she didnt realise she had to breathe whilst sucking. And then they ran off with her to the NICU and I didnt get to see her til I woke the next morning, and when I went into the NICU I didnt know which baby was mine. Anyway, my point being, I never got any close-ness with Ella in the first hours of her life. I never got that inital bond. It took me a while to fall in love with her. yes, I loved her, but I wasnt in love with her for a few days! With Joey it was instant. They threw him up onto me and I just melted! Even though he was all ugly and scrunched up and covered in blood and gunk... to me he was beautiful! Then I got to just hold him for about two hours before they took him to put an IV in. Then I got to go up to the ward holding him, and then spend the whole night watching him sleep... KWIM!? I had that time with him that I didnt have with Ella. Plus my birth experience was everything Ella's wasnt! It was everything I dreamed it'd be and more! I just cant stop thinking about the birth. its in my head constantly. Am I weird?! Anyway the whole point of this waffle was that I am so in love. I really really love Joseph so so so much. And Im so glad he was a boy. Even though I wanted a girl. I have this sort of... protective mummy-ness going on about me because he's my lil boy! Never had that with Ella. She wont have to deal with the bitches that are women! lol. My poor guy will! hehe. ahhh I cant wait for him to have his first girlfriend :D. ok Im skipping ahead a bit. but hey, I cant help it! lol. So yes. I think I'll shhh now.